Last Tuesday I was deeply disturbed in my prayer life. I was thinking a lot about what happened in France to the priest Fr Jaques Hamel. In my prayer I was thinking what the nature of priesthood was. I was praying because I was thinking would I be able to give my life to that extent. What would I do if someone came into the Church and want to do harm to me and the congregation. I was thinking about the Good Shepherd narrative in John Gospel. Where the shepherd is the gate keeper keeping his flock safe from predators. My disturbance came because I realised that I would be scared and want to run very fast. It disturbed me because I felt it was Contrary to my calling as a priest.
Its funny though how the Lord hears our prayers and the answers come if we put our trust in God. Wednesday morning I said Mass as usual. As I celebrated the Mass and said the words of Consecration " This is my Body, This is my Blood" I looked up to see the Crucifix. It came to me in a flash. Here was Jesus Christ himself telling me that the sacrifice of the Mass shows me how to follow Jesus. It is with complete trust in him.
Jesus is with us in the sacraments the Cross shows us the depth of his love and how we should follow his way his love and his truth. It was obvious priesthood indeed being a Christian means to be a witness. Later in the week I was struck by the Holy Father when he prayed in the cell of St Maximum Kolbe. In silence he sat there. I wonder what he was praying? What was he thinking? The Clue I think came in his silence and the call of Forgiveness and reconciliation.
We must always remember and it something we forget sometimes is that Jesus is always with us. He is with us all the time in the dark as well in the light. Our Human feelings will be scared and want to run away if we were ever faced with what the Martyrdom. And that is perfectly understandable but what they teach us is something great. Jesus is always with us he helps us when we are scared and feel alone. We put our trust our hope in him. And we pray, we pray for forgiveness for reconciliation we pray for all of us that we can be witnesses in our daily lives and always show the true face of Jesus.